Let’s work together to reduce arguing, remove tension and help you and your loved ones get along.
Now accepting new clients! I’m Janeen Ellsworth, Human Design Consultant, Author, Parenting & Family Dynamics Coach, and the founder of Parenting for a New Paradigm. Thanks for stopping by! Learn more about what it’s like to work with me through a Human Design coaching session. And be sure to check out the customized resources I’ve created to support your parenting journey. Thanks for stopping by!
Sick of all the arguing?
I get it. I grew up in a “yelling” household.
It’s taken me years of unlearning that behavior to stop yelling at my own family.
It also took a tremendous amount of practicing effective communication skills, too —
like softening my tone, choosing my words carefully, not jumping to conclusions, deep breathing, and LISTENING –
to become an expert in navigating arguments.
But what I didn’t realize was how useful it would turn out to be for my family and I, as well as for my clients and their families, to discover the way each member of the household is naturally designed to move through the world.
I kicked off my journey into self-reflection and personal development years ago, stumbling into Human Design in 2020. Little did I realize how tremendously valuable it would become as a tool for improving my family’s communication.
But let’s face it: fighting is normal.
It just happens.
If anyone ever tells you there’s never any bickering, hollering, or door-slamming at their house? They’re lying.
I’ll be the first to admit that, from time to time, we shout at each other.
It happens.
Every family disagrees on stuff sometimes.
And in most families, someone’s liable to raise their voice or crash out once in a while.
In fact, disagreeing is actually an important step in learning to get along better.
It would be super weird , actually — or as my kids say, “suss,” — if we agreed on everything all the time.
Arguing means we feel safe enough to express our truth with the people we’re screaming at.
I know what you’re thinking: “This lady’s nuts.”
But indulge me for a second while I offer this offbeat perspective shift.
After all, I was raised Irish Catholic. We’re experts in three things: Guilt trips, whiskey-soaked tear-downs, and hotheadedness.
So, even if you find yourself staying at the office a little longer to avoid going home to more bickering, maybe pat yourself on the back.
Because maybe that’s an indication that your people feel strong and sovereign enough to tell you what’s actually on their heart.
And if that’s the case, you’re doing something right.
Healthy families negotiate. They take turns sharing perspectives. They let each other air their grievances.
They choose their battles,
work to reach compromises,
and yes, they even make sacrifices sometimes.
But there are situations and issues that crop up that really piss us off.
And that we just can’t seem to let go of.
And that’s when the hurt feelings can kick in.
The misinterpretations. The harsh words. The defensiveness followed by sloppy, irrelevant insults.
Voices raise.
Tempers run high,
and patience wears thin.
Disagreements about everything from how to raise kids,
to who’s going to host Thanksgiving,
to how to budget for the coming year,
to whose job it is to scrub the toilet,
to where to go on vacation next summer,
can all become major battles for families if people aren’t equipped to handle their differences.
Then, when children start to test their boundaries, experiment with their independence, and exert their opinions?
Yikes!
What had once been minor irritations for parents can become huge pains in the ass.
I speak from experience here. I was an enormous PIA for my parents. They’ll tell you the same thing.
Now, as I’m a parent, myself, to an 11-y-o and a new teenager, I know what everyone meant, earlier in my journey, when they said,
“Little kids, little problems; big kids, bigger problems.”
I always hated hearing that. But now I get it.
For instance, even though it used to be cute the way my daughter would light up with glee at every sparkly piece of junk toy that crossed her path,
these days, her shiny object syndrome has become a very expensive source of conflict for us.
(Seriously, how many $50 change-purses is Lululemon gonna come out with?)
It’s how we deal with these issues that makes all the difference in how (or whether) we get along.
If you understand how your family members are each hardwired to move through the world, at their innermost, energetic level, getting along with each other is easy.
My sweet daughter is a Generator with Gate 41 as her Conscious Sun.
Obviously she’s going to have shiny object syndrome.
I wouldn’t understand that’s totally on-brand for her, or that there’s a super-high-vibe way for her to use that trait to create joy and fabulousness in the world.
Rather than let her succumb to it and develop negative spending habits — and then wind up arguing with her about it — her dad and I need to work with her to help her understand that no amount of newfangled accessories will fill the yearning in her soul for invigorating new experiences.
We know now that what would actually bring her a whole lot more satisfaction and fill the void:
jumping out of an airplane, probably. Or kite surfing. Or perhaps free climbing. Real extreme-sport, risk-taker stuff.
But that’s a discussion for another day!
But it might be the case that in your family, you’re raising a 3rd Line Experimenter who’s here to learn from their mistakes, and so you could ease up on your frustration with them because they’re here to figure stuff out on their own.
Or you might’ve discovered that your spouse is a Projector with their Conscious Sun in Gate 18, making them literally built to point out all the things that are wrong with a situation.
This insight would give you the power to understand they’re not trying to be a nag. Instead, you’d know that who they’re here to be in this lifetime is someone who helps others course-correct when they’ve gone down the wrong path!
See? You hold the power to change the narrative and change the way y’all interact with each other.
The choice is yours to stop being the family that constantly argues,
and become the family that honors each member of the household and has deep compassion for everyone’s strengths, challenges and uniqueness.
You can do all this by discovering your family members’ Human Design.
To get started, download your free chart here.
Grab charts for your children here.
When you start to learn the elements of your family members’ design, you “get” why they do the weird things they do.
You’re able to anticipate how they’ll handle change, uncertainty, or a sudden upset.
You can help them navigate through challenges in the way that will help them most. Even if that way is different from the way you would work through a problem for yourself.
And yes, you can reduce the tension, cut back on the arguing, and stop having doors slammed in your face.
When you discover the hidden parts of your loved ones that make them who they are,
and you understand their soul’s mission in this lifetime,
you immediately soften.
Over time, “problems” become nothing-burgers.
Disrespectful attitudes become leadership potential.
And miscommunications get cleared up.
But…there’s a limit to what discovering your family’s design can do.
It won’t resolve next year’s budget or help you settle the beef over whether to go to Florida or Nova Scotia on vacation next summer.
It’ll just make those conversations so much more peaceful and calm.
Getting to know each other’s energetic tendencies makes criticism, resentment, misunderstandings, irritability and anger evaporate.
#WYKYK, got it?
So, if you’re fed up with the fighting and ready to find some peace at home, then I’d love to work with you and your family.
Healthy communication is everything, in my opinion. Especially when it comes to the ones we love.
And that’s what I help families do — resolve communication breakdowns by helping folks understand their natural energetic tendencies, first.
If you need help in this area, then you’re in luck! I’m accepting new clients right now!
Please check out the different ways you can work with me. And take a look at the custom-built reports I create to support you and your family members.
Here’s my availability. There’s time on there for free consults as well as full 30-, 60-, or 90-minute coaching sessions. What makes the most sense for you?
Hop onto my calendar for a free consult to ask questions and get to know me, and so I can get to know you, too. And that way, I can share a little more about my framework for helping families like yours, and you can see if you like the vibe:)
Otherwise, if you know you need a new approach stat to stop the arguing because nothing else has worked, then grab a full session that fits your schedule and I’ll see on on Zoom!
I cannot wait to help you bring peace back into your home. You deserve a soothing, nourishing environment. And that’s possible when everyone’s getting along.
In service and gratitude,
Janeen
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